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The Existential Crisis Post

October 19, 2010
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Hi blog. It’s me. Your writer.

Sorry I haven’t been more diligent about writing in the past few months. Things have been a bit busy, and amongst other things I’ve been going through a bit of an existential crisis. And in all honesty it kind of started with you.

But I don’t think that’s abnormal. I think most amateur bloggers have web 2.0 existential moments. I know I posted some thoughts on this phenomenon awhile ago. What’s the point of blogging? Who’s going to read this? Why? It’s hard enough to expose your creative and personal thoughts, and it can be especially scary to broadcast them onto the internets. The creative mind is always vulnerable when it exposes itself, and I guess over the last few weeks I’ve been feeling a bit vulnerable. It’s not that I don’t have anything to write about. It’s quite the opposite. Everyday I have thoughts and reflections I’d love to share. But writing them is a whole other story.

To amplify this worry the news has been especially depressing for me recently. Whether it’s the toxic red sludge in Hungary, the hate crimes in the Bronx, teen suicides, the constant threat of terrorist attacks in Europe, the dangers of nuclear war between Iran and Israel, or the peril of extinction of the bristlecone pine. I’m still trying to figure out what my career will be, and what I’ll be doing in five years. But regardless of what I do I know I want to leave this world a better place. But what’s the point when evil and corruption has such a long head start? I’m an optimist, and I do believe that mankind will eventually come to a moral acme- but when you give a good hard honest look at the world it’s so hard to really believe that.

So what’s the point? Why do I write? Why do I try to do good when bad things outweigh me so heavily? Ghandi once said, “Be the change you want to be in the world.” I try to live by this everyday. I try to be a good person, a good man, a good boyfriend, a good role model- and hopefully rub off on my friends and others. As hard as it can be sometimes it’s so important to not give up hope. To keep pushing on regardless how difficult and pointless things may seem at times.

If I want to be creative and consider myself a writer or photographer I need to keep creating. If I want to make a change in the world I need to continue to become a better person everyday. I need to take more pictures and write more- even if it doesn’t win awards or inspire others today. I need to continue to live more sustainably, learn more about plants and nature- even if I can’t stop toxic sludge from burning innocent victims. In times where I feel overwhelmed I need to take a deep breath and remember I’m in this world for the long haul. I need to remind myself to take it one day at a time.

Sorry blog. I usually try not to make this site a place for complaining, or as a stomping ground for personal assessment. But I just needed to get some things off my chest. Hopefully our next encounter will be a bit more pleasant.

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