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All The News “Not” Fit To Print

June 22, 2009


Over the past few weeks I’ve been working as a researcher for this television show. It’s a magazine style Q&A type show. Meaning that it’s very quickly cut (think MTV with ADHD), and based around the simple “one-question, one-answer” format. It’s been a lot of fun to work on for a few reasons. First, I get to be with a group that I love working with. Second, I get to be part of the creative process, which is new and amazing for me. And lastly, I get to learn all sorts of random facts and get paid for it. Unfortunately the show is geared towards a young male demographic. That means that not all of the news I stumble upon is right for the show, regardless how incredible and ground-breaking it is.  So today I thought I would share some of those stories/studies that never made it to the pitch table.



New Cloud Discovery- Prompted by a photograph of “Armageddon-like” clouds taken by a woman in Iowa, meteorologists are debating adding a new cloud type undulatus asperatus (Latin for “turbulent undulation”). If it does go through, this will be the first “new” cloud since 1951. Crazy!

Green Science- There is a whole bunch of cool green technology out there. Firstly, they’re learning to make fuel out of almost anything. I’ve read articles where people have used everything from human sewage to brewery byproducts to create alternative fuels. Buildings are harnessing energy created by rotating doors, and recycling the sewage to water the plants in the building. They’ve developed kites that can harness the power of jet stream winds from miles above the earth. But my personal favorite is the translucent and flexible solar panels they are developing. All progress which points to cleaner energy in the future. 

It’s All In The Genes- There has been a TON of crazy stuff happening over in the world of genetic engineering. In a revolutionary break through, a team of scientists has been able to fully map out the genes of a domestic cow. That may not sound so impressive, but considering it took 300 scientists 6 years to do it, it couldn’t have been too easy. Not only that, they’ve discovered genes that make you more likely to use weapons and join a gang, make animals tamer, makes fruit flies get drunk quicker, and there is even evidence that a gene is linked to premature ejaculation (I tried pitching that last one as “What is the Worst Birthday Present Your Parents Could Give You?). And not only are they decoding life, but they are trying to develop drugs that can turn on and off your genes like a light switch

Strange Stock Indicators- Apparently all we needed to do to avoid this latest financial melt down was to watch how much underwear men were buying, just ask former Fed Chief Alan Greenspan. But it’s not just men’s undies. Apparently the stock market is also closely tied to women wearing more revealing clothing as well. 

Animals are Just as Smart/Apathetic as We Thought They Were- There has always been on-going studies on animal behavior, some more pertinent than others. For example: ducks like showers better than still water. Yup, that was a study. Of course there are more interesting findings. Such as: lobsters really do hate being boiled alive, there are a lot of gay animals out there, dogs are smarter than cats, and crows and mockingbirds never forget a face. This shouldn’t be a surprise to too many people who own pets or spends any amount of time outdoors. But if it takes an experiment to prove things so be it.

They Found the G-spot!- Most people can already tell you it’s inside females about one to three inches in and towards the belly button. Regardless, there was an actual scientific study to “find the G-spot” as well. Leave it the Italians of course. In a study by the University of L’Aquila in Italy, scientists used ultrasounds to study the “plumbing” of 20 sexually active women. They discovered a thickened area of tissue right about where many people believed the G-spot to be in. The interesting thing, is that the thickened tissue was only found among the women who reported to have had “Vaginal orgasms”. These findings back up the “Hite Report” (a 1981 survey on women’s orgams), which showed that only 26% of women can achieve orgasm through penetrative sex. In other words? Not all women have a g-spot. A fact that every single media outlet would let us believe otherwise. 

People Are Weird- I have found so many ridiculous things created by humans. I’ve seen sports involving cheese chasing and dead goat tossing, I’ve seen people create bizarre things in taxidermy, I’ve talked to knife throwers and coroners, I’ve discovered bizarre places men will stick it, gross ways you can surgically alter your body (I won’t share the link for your own good), and discovered strange fetishes you can’t even come up with. All I know is if there is something bizarre out there to do, some one is doing it, and probably getting paid to do it.

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